My brain's fried, I'm so tired. The Big Pink had a rehearsal all day from 11:30am - 8:30pm.
Then I had my second drum lesson straight after till 10:30pm. Tonight's drum lesson wasn't so good, because I actually cried. I know it sounds like I'm a pussy. But because I was already tired from rehearsing all day. But I felt like I was the naughty one in a school who had to stay late to catch up on everyone, I know Robbie & Milo have been working spending lots of time in their studio writing more songs and making changes. I'm just really tired, I just wanted to go home. I shouldn't really complain, but I feel like boys are always better with most of things anyway. Tour managers, sound guys, stage managers, band members who play technical instruments... they are mostly men.
I don't know if I actually wanna be better than boys. Maybe I just wanna be a pretty girl with good flirting skills than drum skills.
There are so many things goes round in my head that makes me feel unconvinced and I'm too tired to talk about it.
I walked back home from Hackney Road to Dalston.
I'm singing 'Girls' song 'Lust for Life'. I like the lyrics.
"Oh, I wish I had a boyfriend
I wish I had a loving man in my life
I wish I had a father
Maybe then I would've turned out right
But now I'm just crazy, I'm totally mad
Yeah I'm just crazy, I'm fucked in the head
And maybe if I really tried with all of my heart
Then I could make a brand new start in love with you"
Fuck. I'm really tired. I'm going to bed.
The Big Pink rehearsal starts 11:30am tomorrow. Then tour starts the day after tomorrow.